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Category: Rehearsals and Showers
Article: Throw a green bridal shower -- 8/5/2010

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Should I help pay for a shower I can't attend?

Dear Etiquette 101,

I am a bridesmaid in a friend's upcoming wedding, and am at my wit's end. The bride is lovely, and not the issue at hand. The problem is the Maid of Honor, her longtime friend. She and one other childhood friend (also a bridesmaid) are treating the college-friend bridesmaids terribly. They're running the show, going so far as to schedule the shower on a day when I can't attend! Our suggestions are ignored, and we're still expected to PAY for this shindig. What can I do?

Signed, Frazzled Bridesmaid

Dear Frazzled,

The old friends vs college friends debate is an oldie, but a goodie. Just because you entered later in the game does not make you less of a valued friend of the bride, and she clearly feels the same as you were selected to stand up with her on her special day. The old friend, of course, feels threatened. She's known her longer, and must therefore "know her best."

I am of the firm opinion that if they cannot be bothered to ask your input, you need not be bothered to pay for their events. Particularly those they have planned in such a way that prevents you from even attending! Contribute what you wish, and what's within your budget. If the bill is larger than that, it is for the old friends to handle. If they wanted your support, they should have included you in the planning.

Best of luck, Local-I-Dos